Category: Family & Home

Finally, good news in the saga. Plumber came out. Turns out I don’t have to replace the flange to replace the bolts — the bolts were always replaceable; I just couldn’t see it because rust had obscured their entry points. Plumber Dude chipped away at rust until gateways opened up… old bolts came out and new ones went in. Since he had to charge an hour minimum, had him install the new toilet, even though I had kind of looked forward to it. All groovy, except that the flush handle mechanism had been assembled backwards and thus ineffectual. Could not be disassembled. Toilet shop closed, wanted this to be over, replaced with an Ace version. Pooped promptly. It’s all good.

Much gutter week this weekend – cleaning out, pumping water through, extending downspouts to get water clear of the foundation, re-attaching bits and pieces, scooping gravel from troughs. Miles thinks it’s hilarious when Daddy climbs up a ladder. We don’t know why.

Central heat installed a couple weeks ago, and we’ve had landscapers out the last few days installing a monstro French Drain (oops, “Freedom Drain”) — nearly 80′ of trench 2/3 of the way around the house, tied into downspouts. Right out to the curbs, holes in concrete. They also rototilled and de-rooted the desolate moonscape of a backyard into something workable, ready for planting.

Continuing saga of the home repair project that started as a simple leak fix but subsequently yawned out into a miasma of interrelated problems.

Saturday selected a fine turlet to replace the broken one. I joked with the Toilet Dude that we were there to buy a bidet for Miles, but my joke backfired when he took me seriously. “Great idea. I installed one for my little ones as well, and my wife loves it.” Puh-leeze.

Silver lining is that we go from traditional 7-gallon flush to modern 1.6 gallon, awesome. Some of the Japanese toilets we looked at also had buttons for half-flushes, but the French don’t seem willing to go the extra mile for the half flush.

Since new tank is smaller than the original, first had to refinish and paint the wall so the outline of the old tank wouldn’t show.

Remove old bowl, and two of the bolts snapped under light pressure – rusted to the core. Oops. An inch and a half of solid soggy mineral deposits caked on the floor came up easily, but the main retaining bolts spin freely from their mount in the flange, dissolved loose with the years. OK, so I’ll replace the flange as well.

Not so fast, big feller. The flange is inserted 6″ down into the main pipe, which is cast iron. The flange is rusted solid to the pipe. As in, solid. Attempts to wrest it free just damage what remains. To Ace for advice. Ace Dude doesn’t skip a beat: “You need $200 worth of tools you don’t have. Call a plumber.”

The irony is that rust has betrayed us double: It has made soft what we need to be solid, and made solid what we need to be loose. Rust never sleeps.

Recently came across this in a drawer at my pop’s house — the announcement of my birth, which my parents sent to their friends and family (10/19/64, 8lbs 14oz). Pictured is the IRS’ 1040 long form as seen through a blue (for boys) filter, with a possibly reasonable facsimile of me superimposed over the top. Inside, the announcement is signed: “The Tax Payers (And Proud Parents), Jim and Avis Hacker.” It’s good to be loved.

Miles just had his first birthday on 9/23, but woke up with a bad headcold, snot bubbles bubbling. His party was cancelled, but he got a little pounding bench and a new pair of shoes anyway :). We’ll have a makeup party soon.

Weekend in Central Coast : Brother John married Jamie Sheridan after several years of Tru Luv® at Sycamore Mineral Springs in Avila Beach. Classic, non-denominational, lovely law-enforcement wedding (John is a sheriff of 10 years, Jamie is daughter of a cop and is herself a prison guard). Both of them are adventure-hungry – he proposed to her after scuba diving with sharks in a great undersea basin in Belize. He’s also way into no-holds-barred mixed martial arts. Dangerous couple.

I was the best man, stood by my bro on the altar to bear witness etc. Gave the big toast – three minute allotment I parlayed into seven, but it was fun. Oh, did you say toast? I thought you said “roast.” :)

Miles wore a dashing blue satin Chinese outfit, cut a rug, slept on Amy’s back, danced on my shoulders, kept his cool. He’s turned out to be mostly a breeze in public, we’re blessed.

Much love and respect to John and Jamie. Congratulations!

A few days before his first birthday, and Miles can point to objects in a book by name. In “Clifford the Big Red Dog” he can show you cars, airplanes, trucks, houses when you ask him where they are. In “Baby Animals” he can point out the duck. Then he goes to the bathtub and gets his rubber ducky, brings it back to compare and contrast.

This morning he demonstrated that he knows that keys go in keyholes. Keyholes that he’s never seen us use. i.e. he’s seen us use the door, but we’ve never locked or unlocked the filing cabinet, which is what he’s trying to do right now.

His passion for FireWire (pictured) and other cables continues unabated. However, his favorite grown-up toy is probably the iMic — endless swinging, chewing, dragging joy. I’m resigned to it.

EBMUD set us straight with the main valve, so back to the task at hand.

To replace the toilet shutoff valve, remove the feeder tube that supplies the tank. This one was installed before the dawn of flex hose, so it’s a straight, stiff shot. Oops, that means there’s no way to get it out of the fittings without removing the tank!

Keep in mind that the goal here is merely to replace the rubber stopper in the tank to stop a minor leak, and that we’re way sidetracked by now.

Grunt, skin knuckles, try every wrench on the pegboard, finally succeed. Behind tank, the wall is black. Scrub and clean wall, tank.

Ace Hardware for replacement everything. Ace Lady says at a certain point you may as well replace the whole durn turlet. But I like this one. 1942 original. Much respect to this turlet.

Return and replace shutoff valve. Restore water pressure. It holds!

Replace main gasket. Lower tank into position. Begin cranking down retaining nuts to compress the fat main gasket. A little here, a little there. A little more here, a little more there. CRACK the day is shot as toilet bowl shatters from pressure (I wasn’t giving it much, must have been ready to go). Well, not shot — I did fix the shutoff valve — but now we have to replace the toilet.

Anyone who thinks I’m complaining about home ownership is off their rocker. I’m in heaven. I feel whole. Computers suck the life out of you.

Water bill is huge.

Toilet’s running, jiggle the handle.

Not quite. Sewer dude says there’s a constant flow.

Food color in the tank, wait a few seconds, shows up in the bowl. No problem, replace the stopper.

Turn off the valve. Oops, water still flows … valve shot, must replace. Shut off water main. Here it is, embedded in a root ball near the sidewalk. Main won’t budge. Get more leverage, no joy.

Call EBMUD to have main valve replaced. Not an emergency, wait for Monday.

Nothing is simple.

Had a sewer dude out with his ‘scope Friday. Watched on the monitor as he pushed a camera through our pipes, like a public colonoscopy. Tree roots woven evenly through 1942 clay, from one end to the other. “It’s a miracle this system hasn’t totally collapsed,” dude said.

Decided to get ahead of the game. With trenchless line replacement, they don’t dig your yard. Instead they attach a conical steel anvil to the end of a length of HDPE (not PVC) pipe — HDPE is more flexible, can bend without deforming in a 4′ radius. Draw a cable through the old line. Attach one end to the anvil, the other to a honkin’ winch on a big old truck. And start pulling. The anvil breaks the old pipe into tiny pieces in the soil where it lies, leaving the HDPE in its place. Cut, attach the ends to existing system, split.

The weird thing about sewer work is that you spend all this money and have nothing tangible to show for it. The toilet flushes just like it did before. Can’t see nothin’ different. Amy said that when our friends come over we can invite them to go hog-wild.

I grew up with lots of power tools around, but have always said I would wait until I was a home owner to buy any of my own. Time is here. In the past couple of months have accumulated a nice drill, circular saw, jigsaw. Cut a swinging cat door just before vacation. Then this weekend made good progress on a workbench I had seen plans for in Popular Mechanics at the doctor’s office a month ago. Other projects more pressing, but the workbench trumps all comers — all home improvement flows from the workbench. Real oak plywood. Countersunk deck screws. Notched-out legs. Solid as an Alabama swamp root. I’ll look for a vise to attach on the used market.