Tears in Zero G

After the space shuttle Columbia burned up in the atmosphere, all media was focused on the loss. We barely heard about the three astronauts stranded on the International Space Station, who not only lost seven close friends in the disaster, but also their ride home.

… without gravity, your tears don’t fall, so these great shimmering pools of water filled his eyes and he’d have to knock them away and his tears are all around him in the weightlessness … and then immediately thereafter they begin to realize, “Well, I guess we’ve lost our ride home.”

Facing the prospect of spending two years aboard the station, they ultimately went home aboard a 40-year-old Russian Soyuz pod, which was strapped to the outside of the ISS like a lifeboat. After a harrowing voyage in which rockets misfired by half a second, throwing them hundreds of miles off course, they landed in the deep tundra of Kazhakstan (home of Borat!). Presumed dead and lost by the rest of humanity, they had hours to meditate and rejoice in the green grass of planet earth before being discovered.

The fascinating story is told by Christopher Jones, NASA’s Director for Solar System Exploration, to Moira Gunn for Tech Nation. The bit about levitating tears is about 10’30” in.

Music: Momus :: Mai Noda

KFC Seeks Blessing from Pope

Kentucky Fried Fish for Lent? The KFC corporation has contacted the Vatican, asking the Pope to bless its new Fish Snacker sandwich, thinking it will be popular among Catholics during Lent. If His Miter-ness grants the blessing, it will bind one of the world’s largest religions to one of the world’s largest fast food establishments, in an unholy union straight outta Compton. And the beginning of a trend that will result in churches handing out fast food menus during service, with sanctified items specially marked with circles and arrows and Google Maps mashups with driving directions to participating franchises. Corporate kickbacks could generate enough revenue to replace tithing.

Music: Bongwater :: His New Look

Geostationary Banana

A team of artists and engineers is preparing to float a 300-meter banana between the high atmosphere and Earth’s low orbit (30-50 km). Sounds fantastical, but the engineering is apparently all there; the banana is set to launch August 2008. The team claims there are no legal aspects for them to deal with at all – there are no rulings for air traffic at over 25,000 feet. Which is fun for art, but has scary implications – we’ve been hearing for a decade now about the possibility of large companies floating enormous billboards in space, visible from earth. If the banana succeeds, it’s easy to imagine sunset skies dotted with honkin’ Lexus and Pepsi ads not long after.

Thanks baald

Don’t Be an Idiot

Dwight, on tonight’s ep of The Office:

Best advice I ever received? “Don’t be an idiot.” Whenever I’m about to do something, I stop and think: “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, then I DON’T do that thing.

Rainn Wilson is a genius.

Music: Woody Guthrie :: Put Your Finger In The Air

Speaking of Hair

Culture jam: Two guys planted electronic viral marketing sign-age around various U.S. cities. After three weeks, Boston police suddenly found them, freaked out, and closed down Storrow Drive and and subway service along one route. That in itself is somewhat interesting, but when the suspects held full-court press with the press, they refused to answer any question about the devices or the absurd public panic that ensued, insisting that they speak only of hair. Amazingly, Fox News aired the dada hair-jam live for several minutes.

Questions: These things had been out there for three weeks. And now they’re worried? If they had been real threats, what does that say about civil security? More to the point: The police force can’t tell the difference between LED sign-age and bombs? They seal off major arteries because they find a sign with batteries attached? Officials are calling it a “hoax” (it wasn’t – it was a viral marketing scheme) and “not funny” (OK, not exactly hilarious or even particularly clever, but certainly not a cause for Defcon 1).

This is exactly what Moore/Chomsky are talking about re: Culture of Fear.

Music: John Fahey :: Lion

Stinky Sponge Debacle

Buzz earlier this week about the fact that stinky kitchen sponges can be made fresh again by microwaving them for two minutes. What the widely distributed article didn’t say (originally) was that you need to make sure the sponge is wet before firing the bacterial death ray. Microwave experiments cause sponge disasters:

“Just wanted you to know that your article on microwaving sponges and scrubbers aroused my interest. However, when I put my sponge/scrubber into the microwave, it caught fire, smoked up the house, ruined my microwave, and pissed me off,” one correspondent wrote in an e-mail to Reuters.

Mark Morford, amazing/insane as always, riffs on the debacle, and on our national obsession with germs.

Wait, there’s more. What’s the most germ-clogged, festering item on your body right now (besides, of course, your body itself)? That would be your cell phone, silly. After all, it just sits there all day, simmering in the happy juices of your toasty pants pocket, churning out microbes of horror like Paris Hilton churns out intimations of death. And you put that thing up to your face without first disinfecting it with some ethyl alcohol and a flamethrower? What are you, high?

For our part, we’re just amazed that it takes so much longer for kitchen sponges to get stinky now that we’ve got that little humidity problem under control. Amazed.

Music: Who, The :: Go To The Mirror Boy

Farmboy Wakeboarding

Wakethumb Returning home from a weekend snowboard trip, got off the highway at a random exit to enjoy coffee and the sunset. Behind me, a small canal and some tall weeds. Heard some splashing, some voices. “Everything OK?” someone called out. “Just wondering what you were doing,” I answered. “Come around and check it out,” the voice responded. Walked around the fence to find three guys with a gas-powered winch, a tow-rope, and a couple of wakeboards, getting air in a 5-ft.-wide, inches-deep canal, in which they had built a trick rail out of 4x4s. By itself, the tricks were nothing special, but the idea of using a winch instead of a boat, and having the cojones to do it in such a narrow space, impressed the hell out of me (especially after one dude missed the canal entirely and landed on the bank, rolled and walked away). They invited me to give it a go. And I would have, for want of a wetsuit. Flickr images