Ride the Snake

Tub no longer draining. Did I let a Thomas the Tank Engine ColorForm slip down the hole at end of one of Miles’ baths? Nope, they’re all accounted for. Borrow a snake, unscrew the drain insert, snake won’t make it around the bend. Into the abyss — under the house on belly like a lizard, dirt in hair. Looks like once-upon-a-time workmen busted up the old tub with a sledgehammer — a great pile of foot-long jagged steel shards beneath the tub. Unscrew hose clamps from the rubber collar that conjoins downtube with S-curve. Jam snake into place, crank, crank, sweat, crank, cuss, crank. Feel like I’m getting nowhere, back it out, LO! : Massive wad of wife hair, eight inches long and as wide as the drainpipe itself, comes slithering out into my hand. A solid pound of hair and slime, paydirt! Re-assemble, slither back out, test from up top, scour the tub, leave hair prize out on display for all to enjoy.

Hard to describe why a job like this is so rewarding; perhaps it has to do with spending so many hours in front of a screen every day — getting your hair in the dirt and your hands in the goo is strangely satisfying. Life is rich.

Music: Bow Wow Wow :: Uomo Sex Al Apache

7 Replies to “Ride the Snake”

  1. :)

    Too late, already trashed. A hairball is like a bouquet of flowers, but with a shorter lifespan. Lovely in the middle of the kitchen table, but only for about 10 minutes.

  2. :)

    Nice narration.

    I once spent an entire day on a friend’s farm, cleaning cotton picker spindles. Unbolting them from the picker, degreasing, cleaning, etc. My shirt (which started an off-white) was brown and black at the end of the day.

    The grease in my fingers and hands took a month to remove. My hair was close with sweat and grime. But oh, it felt so good after months of sitting in university lecture theatres handling ODEs. And can you believe, they offered to pay me!

  3. Strangely enough I had a similar experience this weekend. Except that in involved another bathroom appliance. I’ll spare you all the details, suffice to say there was nothing rewarding about it.

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