God Hates Shrimp

As it turns out, God Hates Shrimp (and all non-scaly denizens of the sea, apparently). Although that’s just the old testament talking, so nevermind. Actually, it turns out that God Hates Shrimp is a parody (but with gen-you-ine Bible quotes!) of real “God Hates Sodomites” protestors. Not so funny: Rhea County, Tennessee initiated a legal attempt to ban homosexuals from living in their county (that decision has since been rescinded; interestingly, CNN kept the original URL but rewrote the story and replaced the headline without making note of any change – always tempting in web publishing, but editorially weak IMO). Long story short, if you ever need a church sign, you can synthesize one in about two seconds. Or, if you prefer, graze through the amazing gallery of real-world church signs.

Music: The Specials :: Do Nothing

9 Replies to “God Hates Shrimp”

  1. well methinks its fitting to recount this chestnut here:

    ======================

    Dear Dr. Laura,

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

    e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

    g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

    i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

    Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

    ===============

    snopes commentary by clicking me

  2. Turns out God has some interesting views on marriage too (who’d have guessed it). From http://www.thecommongood.org/CGN/3_3/biblicalmarriage.html

    The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: “Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God’s Word and His standards will be honored by our government.” This is true.

    Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team’s admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely on biblical principles:

    A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

    B. Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

    C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

    D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

    E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

    F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

    G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)

  3. Gah – it makes me weep.

    For God so loved [gays, lesbians, bisexuals, heck – even straight people!] that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
    — Slight paraphrase of John 3:16

    I’m a Christian. I’m not convinced that the so-called “Biblical” argument against homosexuality is as clear-cut as some people like to make out.

    Ultimately, it’s more important that people of any sexual preference (or any other distinction – gender, race, whatever) are shown the love, grace and mercy of God than one group upholds the “law”.

    Read Henri Nouwen. He was gay, and a Catholic priest. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0385473079

    Also Phillip Yancey – Soul Survivor:
    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0385502753

    Here is someone who was brought up a “redneck”, who was taught racism from the pulpit, but who discovered God’s grace.

    I can’t expect you to understand exactly my point of view, obviously, but I would just say that I’m as disgusted with the behaviour of so-called “Christians” who besmirch and dishonour God by besmirching and dishonouring human beings who are made in his/her image.

    Peace.

  4. Tim and David (and any other Christians who might read this) – I want you to know, in case it’s not clear, that even though I am not a Christian (explored that years ago, decided not to go down that path), I nevertheless hold thinking Christians in the highest respect. If I rib and needle occassionally on this site, it is to poke fun at hypocrisy itself and to underline the absurdity of extreme positions, not to poke at Christianity or religion per se’.

    Peace to you.

  5. Scot,

    Thank you for your kind words. I too hope that you didn’t take my comments the wrong way: my frustration is aimed purely and simply at the extremists who treat their fellow human beings with such disrespect, using God/Faith/The Bible as their justification. Thank you for helping to expose such hypocrisy.

    “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

    We don’t know how lucky we are in the UK to have so little of this type of bigotry going on.

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