One of the recent puzzles has been trying to figure out how long to keep working. I hear from doctors about people who took the entire treatment time off, and about others who worked all the way through. My job as a software developer is physically passive but mentally taxing – it’s not like I’d be pushing too hard to keep working in general, as long as I was able to bow out and nap/rest when needed. The chemo exhaustion is so unpredictable- one day I’m feeling pretty good, the next I can barely keep my eyes open. This happened at work the other day:
I sort of figured that the first couple weeks would be the easy ones, so I’d keep working, then go on leave. That “last day” was today, though I didn’t get my unit tests working and can’t leave the pull request unfinished, so I think I’ll squeeze in a few more hours. But otherwise, I’m done – in free-fall, time-wise. I’m so not used to unstructured time, I wonder if I’ll know what to do with myself.
And hope I got the timing right. I’m not looking for a free vacation, but also want to leave plenty of time to contemplate the existential side of this process, read some books, process, feel grateful.
Here we go.